Here I lie
Safe within my womb
Enfolded in the soft dark depths of my mind.
I am safe from the pain
I am alone but no longer lonely.
I need no-one in this world so obscure that
No-one can find me and so no-one can love me
And I am refusing to love.
Because, in the end
Love turns into agony and desolation and I am afraid of that bitter ache.
So I hide from it, flee inwards towards hermitage,
Towards blissful solitude.
Yet even here
In my arcadia
I cannot remain unscathed.
For how can one live without love?
Love is the very essence of a human being
And despite the torment, it is essential for existence.
And so, I shall softly die.
The body still lives on but behind this cheerful front,
The mind is
Rotting in its secluded retreat
Shielded from the world but not from the inevitable,
The numbness settles.
And here I lie
Dying within my protective womb
Clinging on to one last shred of sanity
How I fled from lonliness
To reside here.
How my once safe haven quickly became a nightmare
In which I am trapped.
And because no-one can find me in my isolation,
No-one can see past my charade and hear my desperate cries,
No-one can save me.